26 October, 2009

Well I’ll be buggered!

It’s been a bit of a drought for me lately.  Maybe that’s a tad of an understatement.  Then…
Let’s not call it a flood.  But the drought has broken.  And I have my iPhone and a particular app that Jimbo doesn’t appreciate- yet. Or at least in company.

And fair enough too.  It’s rude to be checking out who might be interested (usually not) a few miles away (alas, it measures distances by miles and feet), and with a few stats.  Like age, height, weight in lbs (whatever that is) and a nice pic.  Usually of the torso and occasionally various states of arousal of their equipment.  If one is really lucky, a picture will be of a head.  Nearly all are reversed as the user holds up their iPhone to a mirror.  Almost a kind of narcissism; tanned, super-buff torsos are the most common pic.

Anyway, the point is that Jimbo is right; if your with your mates, put your bloody thing away and furtively glance at the hotties that happen to be within eyesight, and practice your conversational skills.  Of course, as any tweeter knows, there are the right times and places for the box’o’magic to be whipped out so one can add to the feed.  It’s the new social etiquette.  Just make sure you know that everyone there knows it’s a tweet and you aren’t ignoring them.  Common sense, people!

Now that being said, and with this last weekend being an example of what hell would be like if it existed, I divided my time appropriately with my hosts — of whom it must be said were very, very kind — and with myself.  Since I didn’t think I had a snowball’s chance in a Pilbara Iron Ore mine, of either leaving, bumping into some fantabulous guy completely by random and being asked back for “some refreshment”, I thought I could occupy some time by fantasising about — let’s be honest — many of the guys on Jimbo’s least fav app.

However, the best plans of mice and men…  A “hi” here and a “g’day” there suddenly became promising.  Usually at the best of times I’m ignored.  But not this time, just to make life even more difficult as I had to be honest about the fact that I don’t have a place to accommodate any guest, let alone one that has a similar objective to me.

Fate, if she exists — and she would be a she — was mocking me. One chat became two.  Two became three.  Bloody hell, suddenly I AM DESIRABLE!  To make matters worse, it became time to return to my “normal” temporary home and still the offers came flooding in.  A case of it never rains but it pours.

Now, just to add further problems to my sudden desirability — and no I didn’t doctor my pic or lie about my height and so on, it’s all real except I don’t give out my name in the app — I don’t have a car; I prefer public transport despite a car being really convenient.  There was no way I was going to ask my house mate to borrow his as the situation is tense enough as it is.

So there I am — chatting to four guys.  All of them wanting the best bits of me.  Somehow I managed to tick P box off the list, late last night in fact.  So only three to go.  And I can’t wait. O is next on the list, and seems to be a very understanding, wonderful guy.  S is from interstate on a holiday and is awesome; I really don’t understand what he sees in me.  Finally is C.  Not as easy as it appears as C, although the most enthusiastic of all, is just starting out; experimenting I suppose at a later stage than most.

My “mantra” these days mainly is to make sure I don’t set myself up for a fall.  If it all falls flat on its arse that’s fine.  These things happen and all that.  Yet I must talk a bit about P.

P wasn’t sure, even though quite close by.  That’s understandable as chatting via text doesn’t give all the picture of a person.  And I didn’t mind if nothing happened; I was annoyed by the excuses though.  Not the “my mum’s coming home any minute now” kind of rubbish.  It was more the lack of pride or self esteem “I’m not good enough for you. You won’t like me if you see me” kind of excuses.  They are forgivable and human.  However I wasn’t going to let that bother me; P wasn’t going to be a conquest or there for pity sex.  Not at all.  My mindset is firm; I won’t do anything the other party doesn’t want.  No means no.

So I am glad that P gave me the green light.  It was wonderful.  He was wonderful.  My drought has been broken and P has given me so much self confidence; I may be broken but for real people that doesn’t matter.  Those that put down a little bio that they are this, that and the other, 6 foot 9 and 115 pounds with gym fit and very muscular body wanting same be warned: that is so transparent that it would be little wonder if others ignored you because being the Adonises you all are, you are unobtainable, or because you’re full of shit.  Alternatively someone may engage with you, chatting along and feeding you lies, leading you on.  That would be fun; I don’t seem to have the time.  At least P is a real person and wasn’t like 2 minute noodles.

Wish me luck with O, S and C!

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